An enticing name is always going to be helpful when marketing and selling a video game. It's a fundamental part of production that may partially or fully point out what a game is about. For example, if it has “dead” in the title, it’s probably about zombies, and any mention of “war”, “duty”, and “army” is likely going to be about the military in some way or another.
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Not all developers do this deliberately, however. Some relatively obscure, unknown games out there have utterly ridiculous or quirky names. No matter how barmy they may sound, it’s not always a reflection of the quality of the title itself, be it a retro title from decades ago, or one that has been swept among many others distributed via digital retailers. There are exceptions to that rule, though!
6 Wholesome Slaughter
Cute Stuff Must Die
It’s not a new trope in the slightest, where adorable animals and other sorts of cute things that one would expect to find in a toddler’s cartoon meets blood, gore, and serious firepower. Wholesome Slaughter is but one such title that is all about those juxtaposing themes, and, for a budget title, delivers an entertaining enough experience.
After a brief tutorial, the player is handed a weapon and is encouraged to kill their new companion and take on rolling pandas, aggressive teddy bears, buff unicorns, and more. Outside the usual entourage of guns are quirky inclusions, like Holy Hand Grenades. Even the final boss is goofy, being a towering Fairy Godmother who has likely been weightlifting before this final encounter. Fans of primitive titles like Wolfenstein 3D may enjoy such a title since its levels offer more varied set pieces in comparison.
5 Super Kinky
Too Lewd For Steam
- Developed by Dark Illusions Entertainment.
- Release date: August 2019.
- Available on Itch.io.
“Serious Sam meets +18 themes” is the easiest way to describe Super Kinky. It doesn’t help that it was taken off of the Steam storefront after Valve’s change in policy on sexual content, which forbade real-life nude models in the game’s collectible magazines.
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The title itself isn’t anything deep (no puns or childish innuendos intended), though it definitely has a pick-up-and-play sort of feel to it. As a rather raunchy warrior in Hell, the objective is to fend off skeletons and monsters for as long as possible before inevitably succumbing to their attacks, or the many numerous traps strewn across the map. Guns, pick-ups, and ammo are strewn across levels, but there’s always the phallic-shaped melee weapon to rely on in a pinch.
4 POOSTALL ROYALE
Fan-Made, Low-Budget, Top-Down Shooting Action
- Developed by RWS C Team.
- Release date: April 2023.
- Available on Steam.
A brand new top-down shooter was released by Running With Scissors’ “C Team” (a reference to POSTAL 4 and an in-game developer’s low-budget side-team) in 2023, which turned out to be a cheeky April Fools' joke. POOSTALL ROYALE was actually worked on by a bunch of dedicated fans on a nonexistent budget.
Considering how this top-down shooter was made in the space of a few months, it’s not bad in the slightest and is like a self-aware spiritual successor to the fabulous POSTAL Redux. It drops the dark tones and embraces the wacky humor that other entries in the series specialize in. After exiting from a toilet stall (now everyone knows where the game got its name from) as either the Postal Dude or the new-and-original Postal Doe, the goal is as simple as fending off waves of angry lunatics for as long as possible. It’s not surprising that it received little to no coverage by news outlets, but there’s no arguing with the fact that this mindlessly fun spin-off is free.
3 Santa Slayer
Kiss Under The Missle-Toe
- Developed by Digital Dialect.
- Release date: December 1998.
- This game is no longer available.
Santa Slayer was released for free online to relative obscurity. It’s funny, as Digital Dialect often specialized in ports of PlayStation-to-PC titles like Metal Gear Solid and Oddworld: Abe's Exoddus, along with original titles like the first-person shooter Adrenix, which was released in 1998. So, this free title may have been a festive prototype of sorts.
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Santa Slayer is a six-degrees-of-movement title that has players pilot the Jolly Man’s sleigh and fire missiles at his armed elves around his workshop, akin to games like Descent. It’s a peculiar title, as it utilizes assets from Duke Nukem 3D, and Santa’s revolvers take up most of the screen space despite not being usable. Nothing happens when everyone is defeated, and there is no ending. There’s even a multiplayer mode, though there’s no chance of finding anyone playing it these days.
2 How To Be A Complete Bastard
Be A Nuisance For Points
- Developed by Sentient Software Ltd.
- Released in 1987 for ZX Spectrum, Amstrad CPC, and Commodore 64.
- This game is no longer available.
There is no dodging a title like How To Be A Complete Bastard, is there? It was based on the book of the same name by British comedian and actor Ade Edmondson and was developed for platforms like the ZX Spectrum and Commodore 64 in the late eighties solely for the UK market. Eventually, it was re-released as a budget title, garnering lukewarm reviews.
The goal in this title is to be a massive nuisance around the house in order to score big. This can involve eating condoms, throwing toilet rolls, putting glue on a toilet seat, stabbing people with pens, and so on. Only two items can be carried at a time, and it will take a fair bit of time to figure out what things can be done to cause havoc. One can even turn themselves into an oven after opening up an umbrella and then farting (there’s a “Wee-O-Meter” and a “Fart-O-Meter”) to blow up the house.
1 Don't Buy This: 5 Of The Worst Games Ever
Five Bad Games In One Ridiculously Cheap Package
- Developed by various programmers who submitted games to publishers Firebird.
- Released in April 1985 for the ZX Spectrum.
- This game is no longer available.
Infamously reviewed online by video game historian Larry Bundy Jr., Don't Buy This: 5 Of The Worst Games Ever is a fine example of dry jokes and ironic humor in the form of an eighties video game. Publisher Firebird compiled five titles onto one cartridge for roughly 50p (roughly £1.50 in 2024). Funnily enough, it apparently sold very well at the time, even though the publishers deliberately lambasted it on release and even encouraged people to make copies!
There’s a racing game, a slot machine simulator, two side-scrollers involving a dog slapping moles with its tail or zapping with eye-lasers, and a Snake clone. They are all sluggish and repetitive titles that get old very quickly, though each of them is far from ‘the worst’. There’s no doubting the power of reverse psychology that went on here, though.
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