Arguably the greatest of all the Grand Theft Auto games, GTA: San Andreas is still as fresh as it was in 2004, especially with the updated graphics of the re-release of the game. The original 3D trilogy of GTA is the building block of the current iteration of the franchise, and San Andreas is the culmination of said trilogy. It offers a perfect blend of open-world exploration, cheesy humor, and over-the-top action — in essence, everything Grand Theft Auto stands for.

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One of the central components to its success as a Grand Theft Auto game is its fantastic characters. Every character is iconic and memorable, but what ties each character to their performance is their dialogue. The writing for Grand Theft Auto games has always been stellar, but there is something about San Andreas that really shines. Which are the best GTA: San Andreas quotes?

Updated on June 7, 2024, by Ritwik Mitra: When people talk about amazing writing in video games, it's only a matter of time before Rockstar Games steps into the picture. Even during a time when the studio wasn't known for its visual fidelity, it was clear from the get-go that the amazing writing in the company's games made each cutscene worth checking out, with certain titles featuring a wealth of amazing voice talent that made every scene come to life. The fact that San Andreas' voice cast included stars like Charlie Murphy and Samuel L. Jackson is a testament to the amazing quality of the game's writing, which is a huge reason why a major chunk of the game is so quotable.

23 "I Hate Gravity!"

Carl 'CJ' Johnson

• If CJ is falling from a height that will kill him

CJ is a joy to control, with this character's relentless quips showcasing his comic chops and making it easy for players to resonate with him. His personality is in-your-face without being too overbearing, and because he's so easy to like, players will certainly want to ensure that he's able to get revenge for the betrayal he faced as a member of Grove Street.

That being said, CJ is also a GTA protagonist who is at the mercy of the player, and those who want to check out just how much damage this character can sustain may make him jump from great heights to see what his limits are. If players bite off more than they can chew, CJ may shout out this hilarious line before being sent on a trip to the hospital.

22 "Yeah... Can I F**k Your Sister?"

Eddie Pulaski

• Pulaski's last words before CJ snuffs his life out for good

Pulaski, along with Tenpenny and Jimmy Hernandez, make CJ's life a living hell from the very moment he comes back to Los Santos. The members of C.R.A.S.H. are cops who are corrupt to their core, and most players were likely quite glad when they were given a chance to take out this cocky member of the trio after Tenpenny knocks Hernandez out for being a snitch.

The officer tasks CJ with digging both his and Jimmy's graves, but the latter wakes up and bungles up the plan. Pulaski legs it, but CJ catches up and mortally wounds the corrupt officer, who makes one last dig at CJ's sister before suffering a brutal stomp to the head that ends his life for good. For his last works, Pulaski could've chosen something more poignant and less crass, but that wouldn't have been in line with his degenerate personality.

21 "I Have A Confession To Make... I Am... I'm Blind."

Wu Zi Mu, AKA Woozie

• Stating something that was obvious from the get-go in a hilarious moment

Getting in touch with Woozie makes for one of the best moments in GTA San Andreas. Just when players thought they'd played through the best part of the game, Woozie's unique personality and hilarious dialogue make it clear that the title still has a lot more to offer than what meets the eye. Some of the best moments in the game come when Woozie and Carl interact with each other.

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These simple dialogue exchanges are a blast to experience, and hearing Woozie seriously talk about the fact that he's blind when this has been crystal-clear for the past few missions is a great example of why this game is such a beloved classic. CJ isn't really lost for words a lot of the time, but the straight-faced nature with which Woozie utters this ludicrous statement catches him off-guard.

20 "Damn! The Devious B*stards Have Changed The Layout!"

Wu Zi Mu, AKA Woozie

• Realizing that relying on the layouts he'd memorized for a base were faulty after running into a wall

Despite his lack of vision, Woozie proves time and time again that he's a force to be reckoned with during tense combat scenarios. The mere fact that he can somehow wield a gun and hit targets shows just how good his other sensory skills are, letting him pull his weight during shootouts instead of being completely useless. However, that doesn't stop Rockstar from having some fun at his expense.

A great example of this is during a mission where Woozie brags about how he's mapped out the base of an opposing Triad gang. His confidence is so infectious that players genuinely believe that this genius has managed to achieve the impossible. That is until he runs into a brick wall and is knocked down immediately. Hearing him curse the rival gang members for changing the layout is a genuine laugh-out-loud moment and shows just how much fun the people over at Rockstar were having when they wrote the script of this legendary game.

19 "Now, I Know You Blind Man... But You Gotta See This!"

Carl 'CJ' Johnson

• A comical line that CJ says to Woozie, knowing that the man is blind

CJ is certainly one of the most enthusiastic and capable protagonists of all time. He can drive a bike, plane, and car like it's second nature to him, even if he can be a bit reckless at times. He's also the first Grand Theft Auto protagonist to be able to swim — a fact that most people take for granted nowadays but was a huge deal back in the day. Finally, despite what most people may assume, he's quite intelligent and can form some great plans that utilize his strengths to take out any enemy that stands in his way.

Such is the case when he devises a plan to carry out a heist. The man is so excited that he utters one of the most quotable lines in the entire game to start out this cutscene, setting the stage for an epic mission.

18 "Do I Look Like A Gangster? I’m A Businessman!"

Carl 'CJ' Johnson

• Stated when Carl is loaded while being chased by the cops

CJ has so many funny quips throughout the series that it's impossible not to mention some of them. One particularly notable line comes when he's loaded and is being chased by the cops.

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CJ will feign innocence despite committing numerous atrocities, straight up saying that he's a businessman and not a gangster. Not only is this line pretty hilarious, but it's also pretty cool that the game takes CJ's economic situation into account when deciding which line he would say, too.

17 "I'm Blind, Carl... Not Stupid."

Wu Zi Mu, AKA Woozie

• A hilarious retort after CJ states that he's black

Woozie being blind isn't revealed until some time passes with this character across several missions. It's played for laughs several times, including this particular instance when Carl asks if Woozie knows whether he's black or not.

This prompts Woozie to utter this memorable line, showing why so many characters love this Triad boss. Watching his friendship with Carl blossom also makes this one of the more memorable interactions in San Andreas.

16 "I Am The Real Deal Fool, Oh, Yeah. A Genius."

Lance 'Ryder' Wilson

• Ryder is pretty cocky, and this line highlights that side of his personality

It's a shame that Ryder ended up betraying the GSF since he was genuinely one of the funniest characters in the gang. Missions with him were a blast, even if he did insult CJ more often than not during certain scenarios.

During one of these cutscenes, Ryder asks CJ why he never finished high school. Despite CJ's barrage of funny insults that follow, it's Ryder who takes the cake in this scene by proclaiming himself to be a genius who was too intelligent for high school in the first place, which is the best dialogue to show what Ryder is all about.

15 "What Did You Expect? It's America!"

Carl 'CJ' Johnson

• Meant to be a parody of gun laws in America

There's no denying that gun control laws are the subject of widespread debate in America. So, it's funny to see that the GTA series lampoons this situation whenever CJ threatens someone with a gun.

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Hearing the main character say this line with the highest level of confidence makes for a hilarious time indeed. GTA never shies away from satirizing America in many ways, and this line is no exception.

14 "All You Little Men Are Scared Of Strong Women! If We're Passionate, You Say We're Crazy. If We're Upset, You Say We're Hysterical."

Catalina

• Trying to hide behind her craziness by bringing misplaced feminism into the mix

Catalina is one of the funniest characters in San Andreas despite not being around for too long. Before running off with Claude, the protagonist of GTA 3, she pretty much forces herself into a relationship with CJ after he's kicked out of Los Santos.

Her crazy persona is used for several laughs throughout the series, with CJ getting exasperated time and time again. Fans were both glad and saddened to see her leave CJ, even if it was done in a pretty cool way to set up the events of GTA 3.

13 "The Russians Got Bigger Things To Worry About Than Your Genitals, Believe Me."

Mike Toreno

• A government agent who uses Carl to further his mission, forcing him into dangerous situations

Mike is a great side character and one that nicely rounds out San Andreas’s nutty plot. Mike is a G-man through and through, and his biting humor is the perfect addition to the cast of nutjobs that irritate CJ.

Voiced by James Woods, Mike is as sarcastic and pessimistic as one would expect a government spook to be, but his views of America fit right in with the world of San Andreas.

12 "Don’t Blame Me, Blame Society."

Carl 'CJ' Johnson

• Uttered when CJ is causing havoc in the city streets

CJ might be the snarkiest of the GTA protagonists, although it’s hard to pick just one. He is quick to shift the blame onto others in most scenarios, which is perhaps a sign of his own immaturity, but he’s still pretty darn funny, even when he is blasting away rival gang members.

A part of CJ’s rogue charm is his tendency to lash out against authority figures, or in this case, society as a whole. This quote can be heard when CJ engages in combat, and it does an excellent job at defining his character.

11 "Make Sure It's The Right Guy This Time!"

Helicopter Pilot

• A hilarious dig at real-life police and their tendency to shoot the wrong person

The helicopter pilots always have something to say. In each GTA game, they have a different persona going on, all united by their bloodthirsty hate for the player. Because of this, shooting them out of the sky makes for an incredibly fun activity.

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In San Andreas, the chopper pilots are a pair of bumbling goofs, arguably the most comedic of all the pilots in the series. This quote is uttered when they fire upon CJ. It is a disturbing yet silly line that highlights the powder keg tone in which GTA police are portrayed.

10 "You Picked The Wrong House, Fool!"

Melvin 'Big Smoke' Harris

• The first and most memorable line uttered by Big Smoke when Carl goes back to his mother's house

As one of the central antagonists in San Andreas, Big Smoke delivers some of the most iconic quotes in the GTA series. When CJ returns home, he finds quite a lot has changed around the old neighborhood, least of all his friend Big Smoke, who believes him to be a robber before uttering this now classic line.

Big Smoke may be an intimidating guy, but he sure can be funny when an opportunity arises. Once he realizes CJ is not a burglar, he embraces his old friend, showing that he can be just as charming as he is violent.

9 "Just Like Old Times, Huh, Tommy?"

Ken Rosenberg

• Mistaking CJ for Tommy after being drugged out of his mind

The original Grand Theft Auto trilogy was interlaced with self-references and crossover characters that helped build the world of GTA from the ground up. Ken Rosenberg is a central character in Vice City and a minor supporting character in San Andreas, which takes place several years after the former game.

When caught in the midst of a shootout, Ken accidentally calls CJ the name Tommy, the protagonist of Vice City. This is a nice callback to the previous title, and though it doesn't offer much information regarding Tommy's current activities, it's still a nice detail that connects both games.

8 "Ah S**t, Here We Go Again."

Carl 'CJ' Johnson

• An iconic line said after Carl is chucked out of Tenpenny's police car

This quote spawned the meme itself and would be CJ’s catchphrase if he ever had one. CJ finds himself in the thick of it when he returns home to Los Santos after several years away. His old gang is in shambles, and it’s up to him to pick up the pieces.

CJ isn’t afraid to speak his mind, but he is also one to complain. This classic quote is iconic not only for the memes but for how it manages to encapsulate CJ’s personality in one swoop.

7 "Grove Street. Home."

Carl 'CJ' Johnson

• After returning to the place he grew up in following news of his mother's death

For all the comedic tomfoolery in San Andreas, there is still a layer of seriousness that permeates the undercurrents of the game’s story. CJ abandoned his friends and family when they needed him most, and now he has to make amends.

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CJ’s story is one of redemption and forgiveness, both of others and of the self. He can’t change the past, but he can change the future. Though this line suggests that he has given up on the idea of this, his actions throughout the rest of the game prove otherwise.

6 "Kid, I’m A Hippie. The Only Thing I’ve Shot Is Acid."

The Truth

• A hilarious line from one of the most memorable characters in the series

The Truth, played by Peter Fonda of all people, is one of the funniest side characters in the game. An aged hippie who seems out of place in the world of San Andreas, The Truth actually meshes pretty well with CJ despite their differences in the realm of violence.

This goofball quote comes after CJ asks if Truth can shoot a gun, which he obviously cannot. Even in the mayhem of Grand Theft Auto, there is still a little sliver of room for peace and love.

5 "I Can S**t On You From Such A Height That You’ll Think God Himself Took A Crap On You!"

Frank Tenpenny

• Tenpenny's sarcastic and flamboyant delivery is in full force here when he threatens Carl

Samuel L. Jackson nails every role he is in, but it’s always extra special when he plays the antagonist. Needless to say, he kills it in the role of corrupt cop Officer Tenpenny, a cruel and manipulative police officer who causes trouble for CJ around every turn.

This quote from the scheming narc is just one of his many great one-liners in the game, delivered with vigor and rage. As far as villains in Grand Theft Auto go, Tenpenny is as hilarious as they come, even if he is still a malicious monster.

4 “I’m A Well-Dressed Maniac”

Carl 'CJ' Johnson

• If players have expensive threads on while causing rampant violence in the city streets

At the end of the day, Grand Theft Auto is about uber violence and crime in America. The decision may fall on the player in terms of how violent they are, but CJ is more than willing to go along with any potential rampage.

When shooting, CJ will shout out various threats, but there is something about this particular one that feels ridiculously Grand Theft Auto. Mentioning his stylish clothes during a rampage is something that only CJ would do.