A lowly undead needs all the help they can get when facing off against the mountains of enemies and bosses crafted by Fromsoftware in its Dark Souls franchise. However, sometimes, the tools at a player’s disposal are decidedly impractical.
Be it a whip that looks like it would cause more harm to the player than their enemies, or a giant tooth, so big not even the strongest of undead could hope to use it properly, there are a few weapons in Dark Souls that seem to be designed for impracticality. Although, while these weapons seem impractical on the face of things, they can often be great fun to use, bringing new layers to Dark Souls’ combat.
6 Smough's Great Hammer
Ornstein and Smough, defenders of Anor Londo, are now legendary in the Dark Souls community. From their golden armor to their boss fight which features, to that point, unparalleled difficulty, these two are true Dark Souls icons. Smough’s Hammer, however, which is gained by using his boss' soul, is ridiculous.
Twice the size of any weapon a normal person could hope to use, this immense and impractical hammer requires a staggering 58 Strength to wield. Made of what seems to be solid gold, this great hammer is the size that only a giant could use properly. While this weapon is certainly iconic, it is also majorly impractical.
5 Scholar's Candlestick
If the name of this Dark Souls 3 weapon isn't enough to highlight its impracticality, its design surely is. A literal candle, this dagger, which is used by the scholars of the Grand Archive, could not hope to fell any of the enemies players take on in the Dark Souls franchise.
Impractical for an endless number of reasons, not least the fact that the wax would melt, becoming soft and eventually disappearing, the Scholar’s Candlestick really should be unusable. Maybe fans could give their enemies a little burn with its tip, or could show them to whatever area of the library they're looking for, but it certainly will not be winning any battles.
4 Dragon’s Tooth
Havel is an iconic character in the Dark Souls franchise, partly because of his armor, which is made entirely of stone, but mainly because of his weapon. This tooth, plucked straight from the mouth of a dragon that Havel himself defeated, is wielded as a sort of club. Rather than using the tooth’s sharp point, players squish their foes using its rounded root.
Much like Smough’s hammer, this weapon is simply too large to be practical. Havel could have whittled it down into a dragon tooth blade, but instead, this soldier of Gywn wanted to prove to everyone how strong he was, making a truly impractical weapon in the process. Despite this impracticality, one can not help but at least try and use it in Dark Souls and, when combined with Havel’s armor set, it can make an extremely potent weapon.
3 Notched Whip
Watching Indiana Jones’ adventures in movie theaters, one would be forgiven for thinking that whips make especially good weapons. However, it is unlikely that any player would look at this and choose to use it, despite what they may have seen in movies.
The Notched Whip behaves like your standard whip, being cracked at enemies to deal damage quickly. However, this monstrosity has spikes that run along its entire frame, making it an impractical weapon that would surely cause more harm to the user than its enemies. Indeed, wandering into a boss room in Dark Souls, only to poke your own eye out with one of these whip’s notches does not sound like a fun time.
2 Key To The Embedded
Square Enix may have spent the last two decades attempting to convince players across the world that keys are practical weapons when fighting one's enemies. However, no matter how many times Sora and his friends find the key to friendship by fighting Heartless, the Key to the Embedded will remain a truly impractical weapon.
While this blade gets some slack because it is used both as a sword and a key to a specific area in Dark Souls 2, turning up to fight the gods players face in Dark Souls armed with nothing but a key is surely not wise. Style over substance isn't always necessarily a bad thing, but in this particular case, alternatives may want to be found.
1 Witch’s Locks
When thinking of a weapon one would use to take down a god, a king or an ancient demon, perhaps a sword comes to mind, or a great axe, or maybe even a swift dagger. What probably won’t appear in the player's thoughts, though, is a strand of hair.
The Witch’s Locks is a whip in Dark Souls 3, fashioned from the hair of an ancient witch. While the lore implications of this weapon are very interesting, its uses are completely impractical. Maybe the smell of a thousand-year-old bit of hair will scare the player’s enemies away?